The Journey of Grief

According to Webster’s Dictionary, grief is defined as (a.) a deep and poignant distress caused by or as if by bereavement or (b.) a cause of such suffering.  To me grief is more than just these definitions, it is complex and life changing.  Grief is something everyone will experience at some time in their lifetime.  We may be able to say what caused our grief and when it started, but we cannot predict when or if it will end.  I would argue that grief does not end, but that our grief changes over time.  We are changed by grief.  Ann Hood writes, “Grief in not linear.  People kept telling me that once this happened or that passed, everything would be better…But it is not linear…It is a jumble.  It is hours that are all right, and weeks that aren’t.  Or it is good days and bad days.  Or it is the weight of sadness making you look different to others and nothing helps.”

Grief is different for each of us.  Our journeys may be similar, but it is not identical.  No one can predict how you will react or how it will change you.  Grief will hit you when you least expect it.  Jan Warner writes, “Grief is complex.  It is ever changing and may come to us differently on any given day.  Yet, it is possible to build a bridge that spans from the acute pain of loss to a life in which peace, and even gratitude, can coexist with our grief.”  There is no set timeline to when one will get to peace or gratitude, however I pray that each one of us who grieve will be able to get to a place of peace with grief. 

Grief can be a lonely place, where one feels isolated.  You don’t have to grieve alone.  Starting on October 10^th, 2024 at 5:00 pm, St. Mark will start a grief support group.  We will meet once a month in the Adult Ministries Room.  This will be a safe space to share our grief with one another.  This is a place where we will support one another and share our stories.  We will pray together, laugh together, and cry together. Whatever you are grieving and where ever you are in your journey of grief, you are welcome to join the grief support group.  If you are interested in joining the grief support group, please contact Jill Daniels via text at 847-224-4751 or Pastor Katrina at prkatrina@stmarklc.com or 815-988-1215.

Yours in Christ, 

Pastor Katrina Steingraeber

Shifting Our Language

A few weeks ago, scientists from Southern Methodist University revealed they had discovered fossilized footprints left by dinosaurs some 120 million years ago. Such a story doesn’t typically make headlines; however, the matching prints were found an ocean apart in Brazil and Cameroon, back before the Atlantic Ocean had pushed its way between them. To those dinosaurs, South America and Africa were always connected by a land bridge. To us, the two continents are thousands of miles apart. The earth’s tectonic plates move slowly, but they are always shifting.

A lot of things seem to be immovable and timeless, but in reality everything changes. It’s just that most of the time, we barely take notice. Then one day you might open up a photo album and cringe at the fashion choices you made in your youth. Or, you sit down to watch an old episode of a beloved show, only to be appalled by jokes made at the expense of women and minority populations. 

During the Protestant Reformation, Martin Luther took an incredible leap by translating the Bible into a language the people could understand. He also translated the words used in worship from Latin to German. A little while later, protestants in England did the same thing, producing the King James Bible of 1611 and the Book of Common Prayer. For the next 300 or so years, those were the primary sources people used in English-speaking churches, even as their own language shifted into something new. But after a few centuries, walking into church was like opening a photo album and glimpsing into the past.

When the Lutheran Book of Worship was published in 1978, much of the language was updated to reflect the way people actually spoke in the 20th century. In the companion book, Manual on the Liturgy, the authors made a case for the change: “Protestantism, which had begun protesting the use of an archaic and largely unknown language, Latin, in the Roman Catholic Church, now found itself in the position of using an increasingly obscure language. It was time, more and more people admitted, to use contemporary expression.”

Nobody uses words like “thy” or “thine” in everyday conversation. We structure our sentences more plainly than folks did in the renaissance. And so, it made sense to update our worship language some 45 years ago. And yet, many Lutherans— and I’m including St. Mark here— have still clung to one last antique of language in the way we say the Lord’s Prayer. 

Our students in Sunday School and Confirmation are going to focus on the Lord’s Prayer quite a bit this coming year. In order to help them understand the meaning of this prayer that Jesus teaches us, we will help them memorize it in language they understand. Because of that, we have begun to use the 1975 translation of the Lord’s Prayer in worship. It may take some adjusting for all of us, but I pray that this shift will allow us all to take in the full meaning of this most precious prayer that we say each and every time we gather together.

Peace,

Pastor Chad McKenna

Many Thanks

Thank you for supporting the youth who went to New Orleans for the ELCA Youth Gathering.  Thank you to those who donated money, who helped with and supported the fundraisers, who pied a pastor, and especially for the prayers.  I appreciate you all! 

While in New Orleans the youth experienced a different culture, different food, and a hotter climate.  The heat was definitely felt by all who attended the gathering.  Besides experiencing New Orleans, the youth and the leaders heard inspirational speakers who shared their stories with the 16,000 youth who filled the stadium.  There was great music each night, which added to the experience.  The Holy Spirit was present in New Orleans.

At the end of each night we would gather and share the highs and lows of the day.  Often the lows were how hot it was, but the highs were different for each person.  While I don’t have permission to share the highs of the youth, I will share one of my highs from the trip, it was the youth.  The youth were great, they did an amazing job dealing with the crazy schedule, the miles of walking, and an eating schedule that changed daily.  They handled it all with grace.  They did better than I did.  The youth showed a level of love for others that was so beautiful.  We have amazing youth at St. Mark and Grace!  They are truly the hands and feet of Jesus in our community. 

The ELCA Youth Gathering is a lot.  It took a lot of planning, time, and money for the 15 of us from St. Mark and Grace to get to New Orleans.  At times it was pretty intense.  I am glad I had the opportunity to attend a gathering.  I witnessed how God is at work in New Orleans and how that looks a bit different than it does here in Rockford.  My hope is that each one of the youths and adults who attended the gathering left with a sense of what God is up to in New Orleans and in their own lives.  And I hope everyone left with a bit of wisdom from speakers at the mass gathering. 

Yours in Christ,

Pastor Katrina Steingraeber

Announcing a New Campaign

Over the last four years, one of the most persistent questions I have heard from St. Mark folks is, “What can we do to reconnect with each other?” There has been talk of post-pandemic surveys, phone call initiatives, and even the return of the dreaded suggestion box. While those Perhaps the best way to find out how to reconnect is to simply get together and listen to each other.

This year, the people of St. Mark will be taking part in a Listening Campaign. In fact, we have already begun. You may have seen a handful of focused conversations in the cafe on Sunday morning. Or maybe you know someone who has been asked to sit down with one of the 11 St. Mark members on the listening team. We are still in the planning phase, of this intentional, organized effort.

Our listening campaign will officially begin during worship on September 1st. In the weeks that follow, trained leaders will listen to as many people in the congregation as possible in one-to-one conversations. You may be called to have a conversation. Nobody will ask you to do anything but talk, perhaps over a coffee and donut on Sunday morning. And, no one will ask you to give anything but your time.

We are hopeful that this initiative can help us discover who St. Mark is right now, what our needs are, and what we can do to enter a future with hope. It is amazing what can happen when we simply gather to listen to one another. This sort of campaign has been shown to transform congregations, infusing them with joy and gratitude. Relationships can grow and new possibilities for ministry can surface when we get to know each other just a little better than we already do.

In the coming weeks, you will hear more about this campaign from Pastor Katrina and me, as well as our team leaders, Sheryl Crowell and Jodi Graber. And, you may see more folks in one-to-one conversations as the planning continues. I am so thankful for the team we are building, and for the willingness of all our members who will be agreeing to take part in these thoughtful conversations.

Peace,

Pastor Chad McKenna

My Time as the Summer Intern

My time as the St. Mark summer intern has been nothing short of an adventure. My first few weeks were spent in preparation for VBS, getting to know the youth group, and planning for the youth gathering. During our first few weeks of youth group we played card games, went to Volcano Falls, and spent a lot of time talking and getting to know one another. Then later in June, we jumped headfirst into Camp Firelight. I spent the week leading songs at opening and closing assembly, facilitating interactive learning for bible storytime, and helping out wherever I could. The highlight of my week was watching the children of St. Mark blossom through the course of the week. At the beginning, they were shy and unsure of VBS but, by the end of the week they were confident and excited for every new adventure awaiting them. It was a delight to see the campers come out of their shells. 

Once VBS came to a close, it was an intense few weeks of final preparations for the gathering. Nevertheless, on the morning of July 16th it was time for our departure. We had four adults and eleven children between St. Mark and Grace Lutheran in our group. To say that this trip was perfect would be an overstatement. No trip is ever completely perfect, especially not one that takes us to Southern Louisiana in the middle of July. So yes, it was hot, sticky, and at times almost unbearable. Sometimes we would get hangry or things would be closed or canceled without warning. But, the inspirational and exciting parts far outweighed the difficult moments. First there was the city, full of music, art, and rich history. You couldn’t walk three blocks without seeing a gallery or a mural in most places. We had the opportunity to learn about New Orleans’ strength and growth on our Accompaniment Day. We attended the Flooded House Museum and learned about the green infrastructure they are implementing as they continue to rebuild in the wake of Hurricane Katrina, twenty years later. And of course there was the food. Some of us ate their weight in beignets and our more adventurous individuals tried turtle soup and duck à l’orange. Although, one of the most impactful moments for many of us on this trip >was the speakers. Each night at the mass gathering at the Smoothie King Center with 16,000+ Lutherans, we saw speakers like Emily Harkins who spoke about the work her church does for homeless and substance abusers in her community. On the night when our theme was “Created To Be Free” we listened to Austin Channing-Brown speak about identifying what God’s work is and not who God’s work is so that everyone in God’s kingdom may be free. That same night we heard Keats Miles-Wallace speak about how God created us to be free to express ourselves and identify how we choose to. Lori Fuller reminded us that we are not a mistake and taught us to sign it in ASL as well. Sally Azar taught us that freedom is disruptive and that we must continue to disrupt the systems of injustice in the world. But, the most profound moments for me was with the youth. They were troopers through the whole week. In the rain and heat, sometimes walking ten miles a day, they persevered. And they did so with joy. They played Tesla tag, took turns spotting nice cars and motorcycles, raced Pastor Amanda through an inflatable obstacle course, dominated spikeball at the convention center, and played Uno in their downtime. I’m so proud and in awe of their spirit and determination through less than ideal circumstances. And, I’d like to think they all experienced their own moments of connection with God. I know I saw God, seeing our youth all standing and singing together arm in arm at worship.

Peace,

Em Johnson

Summer Intern

ELCA Youth Gathering

 

 

In Defense of Self-Interest

For my first Father’s Day as a dad, I got a mug. Don’t get me wrong; it’s a lovely, customized travel mug. It’s covered in pictures that are now way out of date, since our first child had only been around for a few months. In one, she has that little baby smile every new parent craves. In another, she’s swaddled in a hospital blanket and tubes as I hold her during that brief, initial stay in the NICU. Even though we’ve taken countless pictures since, I still treasure every time I pull that mug out of the cupboard.

I remember holding it one Sunday in the Fellowship Hall, when a wise person pointed to the large “DAD” lettering on the side and said, “Be careful. Don’t let parenthood become your entire identity. You’re still you, you know.”

It took me a long time to figure out how poignant that advice really was. As much as I love my children, I have learned over the years that I am best as a parent when I care for myself as well as I care for them. Some days, that means I pour coffee in my mug before I get started on breakfast for everyone else.

Or, in the sage advice of flight attendants, “Put on your own oxygen mask before turning to assist others.”

You do not have to think poorly of yourself in order to be a good person. You do not have to put your own needs on the back burner in order to care for other people. Your identity is your own, first and foremost. Your needs, interests, and hopes are every bit as valid as the needs of everyone else.

A lot of folks get told this idea that it is bad to think about ourselves. Strangely, the people who hear it most are those who are often overlooked: women, people of color, and LGBTQIA folks, to name a few. “Pride goeth before the fall,” as people misquoting Proverbs 16 will say. Yes, some people can be conceited, focused inward, and concerned only about themselves, but that is not the same thing as having self esteem. You can be proud of who you are without putting others down. And, you can tend to the needs of others without neglecting your own needs. There is enough space for everyone to be celebrated and valued for who they are. Love and service are not zero sum games. There should be no winners or losers when it comes to compassion.

There’s this passage in Paul’s letter to the Philippians where he makes a plea to empathy. He writes: “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility regard others as better than yourselves. Let each of you look not to your own interests, but to the interests of others.”

Paul was dealing with issues of arrogance when he wrote those words. The selfishness of a few was threatening the unity of the community. In the verses that follow, he reminds us that Jesus, the Son of God, had the greatest reason of all to be proud and boastful, yet he gave all that up in order to serve to the point of death. But you are not Jesus. You do not have to die in order to serve anyone. And even Jesus made sure to take care of himself and refill his cup every now and then.

I recently heard another pastor say that we don’t have to choose between being selfish or being selfless. We can meet in the middle with self-interest, caring for ourselves and focusing our outward care in ways that line up with our passions. That is the very definition of compassion. I am self-interested in raising my children as best I can. I am self-interested in creation care. And as Christians, my hope is that all of us are self-interested in sharing the good news of Jesus by the way we live with compassion for one another. 

Peace,

Pastor Chad McKenna